In my last post, I wrote an open letter to all the friends that I’ve let down. Therefore, it seemed only fair that I voiced my feelings about the friends that have let me down. I’m not naming or shaming anyone. Sometimes, I think it’s just helpful for people to see the impact they’ve had on another person so they can grow as a person.
To All the Friends that have let me down,
Maybe you know who you are, and maybe you don’t. I won’t name names because there’s no use to that. I’m not trying to make people turn against you because I’m not hateful or childish. But you have hurt me. I open my heart to everyone and let you discover my crazy thoughts. What hurts is when you turn around and throw that love and care back in my face. It hurts when you say you’re my friend and act like a stranger. Then, it hurts even more when you give up with me because I’m not easy to deal with at times.
I admit I’m difficult to be around at times. I get stressed and lose my cool a lot. In a way, I don’t want to have to justify my actions but maybe it’ll help you understand why I get this way. There have been times in my life where I’ve bottled everything up to the point where I’ve snapped. My college years were a really good example of this. I’ve never been academically bright in the sense that I got all A’s or was good at maths. And in a sheer desperation to not let myself or my parents down, I worked so damn hard to the point where I burned out. I was diagnosed with mild depression at this point. There were certain lecturers that weren’t at all helpful and let me down by offering zero support.
During that time, I lost a part of myself because I didn’t speak about my problems. That’s why now I speak about them, and I get stressed because it’s healthy for me to. It’s a sign I’m not bottling up my problems anymore. If I’m not stressed, and I’m extremely quiet then you should be worried about me. I apologise if that part of me is too much for you, but I’m not going to hide it because you don’t like it. Those are your problems, not mine.
There’s been times when I’ve tried to speak to you or make plans and you didn’t show up. I admitted that I am a bad replier sometimes. The point here is that I always give my time to you, when I can, and then I don’t receive that in return. All I’m asking for is a text, even just saying hello. Furthermore, as my friend I’d hope when you speak with me it’s to be kind. But there’s been times recently when that has not been the case. You quickly grow tired of being spoken to like sh*t.
That’s why I’ve had to let some people go because I’ve been hurt too much to be friends anymore. It’s easy to not realise the impact your words or actions are having on another person but there’s no reason to be cruel. I’m not a doormat and you won’t walk all over me. I hope with future friends you learn to be kinder and accept them for who they are. You could never do that with me and that’s ok.
Until next time,